The Father We Have
by Squishy Pencil
Summary: AU. When the car crash happens, only Mrs. Curtis was in the car, leaving Mr. Curtis to raise Soda and Pony all alone when Darry goes off to college. But remember, Greasers always have the bad luck, and things only get worse.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey y'all. I have help from somone who has written a lot more then me. THE LEAFT 180. Second, this will be realy boring for the first few chapters, but I think they are needed. Read if you want, I don't care if you don't. LOTS AND LOTS OF BROMANCE (the comfort kind). There are curses. Rated for later chapters.**

**I DON'T OWN THE OUTSIDERS!**

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(Darry POV)

It was a calm, somewhat peaceful day at our house, which should have shown that something was wrong. Our house is not, what you would call "peaceful", and, if the house was calm, then something was seriously wrong. The only time the house ever seemed calm was when everyone was asleep, but no one was around to witniss it.

Our house was always filled with bangs and crashes and shouts and yelling and laughing. Today, however, it was quiet.

We (being me, Soda, Steve, Two-Bit, and Dally), were playing poker. Mom had taken the car to the store. Dad had wanted to go with her, but he was helping Pony and Johnny with their math homework.

I would have helped them but the last time I did their teacher said that it was "Not how she had taught them," so Dad was helping him this time.

I was in an all around good mood because I was going off to college in a week. I had always wanted to go to college and I always knew that if I wanted to go then I would need to get a scholarship. My family doesn't have much money, so I tried my best. I have gotten a full scholarship thanks to my high grades (mostly A's with only one B) and how well I play football.

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Dad was getting concerned. You couldnt tell by just looking at him, but if you studied him enough, you would notice the scowl and how it twitched every few minutes. You would see his furrowed brows and his downtunrn lips. It seems I'm the only one that pays attention. Mom had left 3 hours ago and should have been home by now.

Pony and Johnny were sitting on the coush, having one of those "silent conversations". Soda and Steve where in the middle of a wrestling match because Steve was cheating in our poker game from before. Dally was standing by, leaning on the wall and watching Steve and Soda grapple. Two-Bit was rummaging around the refrigerator.

The only sound was the muffled grunts from Soda under Steve and the constant murmur of Ponyboy to Johnny, with the occasional clinking in the refrigerator from Two-Bit as he shuffled around. Every once and a while Dally would tap his foot too. Dad was pacing the floor, marching around the table and skirted the living roomin a lopsided figure eight. That was another thing Dad did when he was nervous, he just couldnt sit still.

I was curled up on the couch with _Lord of the Flies_, but it was hard to concentrate with all the noise. Everything was two loud, the creaking of the old couch as Ponyboy sank deeper into it to the thump that sounded when Steve finally managed to pin Soda, to the shout from Two-Bit in the kitchen wondering if we had any cake left. The way Dad kept bumping into the chair when he rounded the corner and entered the living room, and the sound of his heavy feet on the old floor.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Everyone froze. It was as if someone had pressed paused on their lives. But I had to admit, I was at least curious. I put my book down. No one knocks on our door. It's always unlocked, wether its because we want the gang to have acess to our house at any time or that we were all to lazy to bother locking it, I don't know. I guess its sort of tradition. Dad changed his course and hurried over to the door. Upon seeing the people in our doorway, whom i could not see form my veiw point in the chair, he wordlessly stepped out into the night, softly closing the door behind him.A yawning silence stretched out between us, no one quite sure what to say. I turned to Dally, who was closest to me. he has crossed his arm and was currently glaring at the floor, as if trying to burn a hole through it with his eyes."Who was it?" I asked, breaking the silence.

He looked up from the floor. "The Fuzz" He muttered, trying to remain indifferent.

I cocked my head, like I sometimes did when i was confused. I thought the same thing everyone else was thinking. _What are they doing here? _Soon enough, my father came back inside, looking a little worse for the wear. to say that was an understatment though. His eyes were stretched wide, we could see the white in them, his face was a chalky pale in colour, and he seemed to be drained of all life. I could hear his breath coming in short rasps, and he seemed unaware of where he was going, letting his feet guide him. He staggered into his bedroom and closed the door was devoid of all sound exept for the whimpers and moans I could hear from his room. Somewhere in my subconcious, I understood what happened, but I couldnt place a label to what it silence is absorbed only by the sound of my father's tears and the scream of sirens into thedesolate night. It is a sound that I will carry with me forever, it is a sound that I dared not forget.

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	2. Chapter 2

**I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS. :,(**

**I forgot to say , rated for later chapters.**

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(Darry's POV)

Dad's cries were still being heard throughout the house. Ponyboy and Johnny looked scared to death by the sound. Soda, Steve, and Two-Bit looked freaked out by it. Dally looked like her could care less but, knowing him for so long, I knew he was freaked out as well. The cries coming from my Dad were unnerving me. I never saw Dad cry before, let alone full out sob like he is now.

"I think," Dally said slowly, looking up at me, "That you need to go find out what happened."

I agreed with him but still..., "Why me?"

"You're oldest."

"You're closest to him."

"You're Superman."

"OK, OK," I said, getting up from my seat, "I'll go find out what happened."

I walked to the door of my parents bedroom door, and knocked loudly. "Dad," I called, "It's Darry. Can I come in?" When I got no answer, I opened the door and walked in anyway.

Dad was on the bed, laying on his stomach, hugging a pillow. He was crying his eyes out, but as I entered the room he stopped making the sounds that were scaring everyone in the house. Even though he was still crying mighty hard I think it was an improvement. "Dad," I said softly, moving over to sit on the bed with him, "Dad, what's wrong? What happened, Dad?"

It took a good while to get Dad calmed down enough to speak. Every time I would come close to getting him to calm down, he would start sobbing again. When he was finally able to speak, he spoke words I had never wanted to hear. "Your mom," he was talking quietly, "Was in the car, on her way home from the store. A drunk driver hit her. She died on impact." he begain sobbing again. I stayed with him, trying to calm him down (not doing so in the least) until he fell asleep.

When he fell asleep, I took his shoes off, and layed him down. As I was walking to the door, I relized what I had to do, and was about to do without even relizing it. I stopped. I had to go tell my brothers, and people who considered our parents their parent, that Mom was dead. That she went to the store, and would not be coming home.

I begain walking again. I felt numb. As I walked out the door of my parents room, all eyes were on me in an instant. They were all sitting around the room. Dally was sitting in the big chair, Two-Bit, Johnny, and Steve were on the floor, and Soda and Pony were on the coach, that had room for one more person.

"What happened, Dar?" Soda asked after a moments hesitation.

I walked over to the coach. Soda and Pony, who had been sitting close to each other, moved apart to make room for me. They knew it must be bad for Dad to cry like that, and they both wanted the comfort that I could give them, a feeling of being safe. As I sat in between them, Pony came forward and was hugging me with a strenght I could hardly believe he had in that little body of his. I was hugging him back without a moments hesitation. "Well, little buddy," I said quietly, "Mom..." I couldn't do this. I couldn't tell my little brothers that our mom was never coming home, was never walking through that door again. But I knew that I had to. I slowed the lump that had formed in my throat and tried again. "On the way home from the store, Mom was hit by a drunk driver. She... God guys she didn't make it. She died on impact."

Everyone looked shocked, like they couldnt believe it. Pony hugged me tighter (how the hell is this kid so small, but so strong), and I opened my arms to let Soda in to hug as well. He jumped toward me at the silent invation to join the hug, and started hugging me just as hard as Pony, if not harder. Soda and Pony were crying mighty hard.

Johnny came over and sat, leaning against my legs. He may not be my brother by blood, but he is my brother in my heart. He may be closer with the other members of the gang, but I have got him out of a few tough spots. He feels safe when he is near me, like Pony and Soda do. He looked up at me, and he just looked so sad, with his puppy dog eyes filled with tears. If I had anymore arms, I would of hugged him.

I looked at Two-Bit, Steve, and Dally. I could only begin to wonder what they all were all thinking.

**(Soda POV)**

WHAT? NO. No no no no no no no no no. I did not hear that right. My mom can not be dead. She just can't. It is impossible. It can't be true. It just can't. We all need her too much.

I need her for the support, the love, the encouragement, the advice, everything.

She just can't be dead. But even as I think of all this, I know it's true. I just do. My mother is dead, no matter how much we all need her.

**(Steve POV)**

O shit. That's all I can think after I heard Mrs. Curtis is dead.

She brought out the best of all of us. She showed me that there is good in people. She put up with all my rants about my dad, no matter how long, or how many there was.

She was the best. No one can ever be as good as her.

**(Pony POV)**

Mom's dead? NO! She can't be. I need her I need the love, the smiles, the hugs, the kisses.

I'm only 13. I can't lose my mom. I need my mom still. She has to be with me, with us still. I don't care how much like a baby I sound like, how much I don't sound like a greaser. I want my mommy.

This is my worse nightmare. And it only becomes worse when I realize, it's true. She's gone and I can't ever have her back.

**(Two-Bit POV)**

When I heard Mrs. Curtis was dead, I thought I might cry. I haven't cried since my dad left when I was 5. I just forgot how. But I wanted to cry for Mrs. Curtis.

It was like the best person in the world had died, you dig? I think that's what did happen. Mrs. Curtis was the best person in the world.

She would sit and listen to all my jokes and laugh along with the rest of the gang, and even when they didn't find it funny, She would laugh. She could stop me from drink as much as I do.

I'm gonna miss Mrs. C.

**(Johnny POV)**

Mrs. Curtis can't be dead. She just can't be. After all she's done to all for me, for the whole gang, she can't be dead.

I thought about all she has done for me. She has shown me that not all adults are evil. She has shown me that I am not the worthless brat my parents say I am. She has held my hand through the pain my parents put me through, and she has cared for me like I am her own son.

She is the most needed women ever.

**(Dally POV)**

I can't believe this shit. This is just fucked up. Mrs. Curtis was the best, nicest, most caring women ever. She didn't have much, but she still offered what she could to us.

Mrs. Curtis could actually make me feel bad for some of the stuff I do. From the first day I meet her, she was my voice of reason.

I looked around at the gang. Soda was crying. Steve looked upset. Ponyboy looked scared, he was crying too. Two-Bit looked sad. Johnny looked the most like a little lost puppy that I have ever seen him. Darry looked lost.

I knew that if someone were to look at me, they would think I could care less that Mrs. Curtis died, but on the inside, I felt like the world as we all knew it had just ended, and indeed, it had.

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**I will not blame you if this chapter turned you off but I wanted to show what I think the gang thinks about Mrs. Curtis dying. I hate writing emotions because I always feel like I'm making the people OOC. O well. **

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	3. Chapter 3

**Note that there is a time skip. I don't know what or how to do anything from this about funerals and things like that, so that's all just mentioned briefly at the beginning of this chapter. **

**Thanks for all the reviews.**

**NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WISH IT WAS, THE OUTSIDERS IS NOT MINE.**

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**(****Darry POV)**

The two weeks that passed after Mom's death were torture. We had the funeral the three days after she died. We all cried, even Two-Bit, but I think I was the only one who saw. Dally didn't cry, but I don't think he knows how to cry.

The gang hasn't come by as much as they they did before. Two-Bit told me he was watching out for Johnny, making sure he didn't sleep in the lot every night and making sure his dad didn't hurt him too bad and swearing to take care of him if he did. Mom and Dad could never understand how Johnny's dad could do that to him. They never hit any of us, and never thought of it. That's very impressive for two parents of three kids of their own, plus being like parents to four of their kids's friends, in this neighborhood.

Steve came by and told me Dally was in the cooler for 30 days. Nobody quite knows what he did this time, but the gang realizes he will never feel bad for doing it. Mom was the only one who could make him feel bad about anything he did.

Things at home have changed. At first, Dad would not do anything, eat, sleep, talk. He has gotten better but he is still quieter and thinner and tireder then normal. Soda will cry randomly about three times a day, but only for a minute. Other then that he is his normal happy-go-lucky self. Pony is taking it hard, but better then Dad. I hardly ever see him without tears in his eyes, but he still eats and sleeps and talks like normal. I don't remember how it was brought up, but he told me, "Mom would want me to remember her, and miss her, but not do anything to hurt myself because she is gone."

And then there's me. I miss her so much, but I have to be strong for my family, so I only cry when I am alone. I'm worried about my family. Dad is doing better then he was right when it happened, but I don't think he's ready for work yet, and we need the money.

Tonight was normal, or what passes for normal now. I was cooking dinner when Dad came in.

"Darry, are you still going to do to college?" he asked.

I thought about that for a minute. Was I still going to go to college? "Well..." I started to answer slowly, "I'm worried about you all. Maybe I could start next next semester."

"No," he said firmly, "We have to move on. I'm going back to work tomorrow, you will go to college in a week, and the boys will go back to school on Monday."

I thought about that. Dad seamed so much better then he had been. He looked like he had been before Mom's death, determined, but a new him was their too, sadder, more serious. "I have to think about it," I told him when I decided a few moments later, "And I'm gonna ask Ponyboy and Soda what they think about all this."

"OK, fine," he says, understanding that I will not budge at all from that dession, "But I'm going back to work tomorrow, no matter what they say."

I don't ask them what they think till after dinner. "Guys," I call to my little brothers, "I need to talk to y'all."

"What's up Dar?" Soda asks when he and Pony walked in.

"I have something I want to ask you about. What do you both think about going back to school on Monday?" I ask, starting small.

"I think it's time we go back," Ponyboy says, without tears in his eyes for once.

Soda moans and says, "I have to agree with Ponyboy, but I hate that place." He has the grin on his face that makes it so you just have to smile back, so me and Pony do just that.

"There's something else," I say, not really wanting to say it, but understanding I have to.

"What is it?" Pony asks. I look at my brother and they both look confused, like they couldn't figure out what else there could be, and when I think about it, and I realize they can't.

"Well I was talking to Dad and... what do you think of me still going to college? I asked them, saying the last part real fast to get it over with.

After I said this, they both looked like they were about to burst out laughing.

"Am I missing something?" I asked after watching them for a minute or two without them answering. But even as I asked, I knew I had because as soon as I finished speaking they couldn't hold it in anymore, and burst out laughing.

"What?" I asked, a little annoyed, when they were able to control their laughing a little. But as I asked they looked at me, then at each other and busted out laughing again. I just sat there after this and waited for them to stop.

"OF COURSE!" they both yelled at me at the same time, still laughing with big, goofy smiles on their faces.

"Of course, what?" I asked, somewhat in shock and somewhat not believing what they just told me.

"Of course you should go to college," Ponyboy said, still giggling a little. "It's what you always dreamed of doing. You have worked so hard to make that dream come true. We could never ask for you to give that all up just because of something that happened. Plus, Mom would of wanted you to go."

"Yeah," Soda agrees, tapping his foot, showing how he can never keep still. "It doesn't matter if Mom died. You always wanted this. You need to do it. Like Pony said, it's what Mom would of wanted. Plus, what kind of brothers would we be if we asked you to give up your dream to stay with us when we have lots of friends, practically family, and our dad to help us through this?"

"I think..." I started to say after I sat there with a shocked look on my face for what seamed like hours, but was probably only a few moments, "That I have the best two little brother ever,"

They both smiled at this and scrambled over to me and hugged me. I thought then that life would never be the same, but it would get better.

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If only I knew then how wrong that statement was going to turn out to be. If only I knew then what me going and leaving my brothers would do to them, how much pain it would lead to them going through. If I knew what was going to happen then, I never would of gone to collage.

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	4. Chapter 4

**I DON'T OWN THE OUTSIDERS. YOU DIG?**

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**(Pony POV)**

Dad was so much better then I had seen since... you know... that. As long as I don't think about it too much, I won't cry because Mom died. But anyway, Dad had gone to work, like he had told Darry he would, and Darry told us. I think Dad really is getting better because he realized that Soda and I need a parent, and he's the only one we have left, and he needed to be strong for us.

It was a few days after me and Soda talked to Darry. Two days to be exact. Which ment only one thing to me and Soda. It's Monday, and we promised Darry we would go to school today. The gang knew we were coming back and they have it all worked out. Apparently, they think we need one of them with us at all times. It's not really going to be any change because Johnny is in all of my classes, and Steve is in all of Soda's, but me and Soda don't like the fact they think we need a babysitter.

So anyway, after we got ready, Dad already having left for work at his roofing job, Darry drove Soda and I to school. I didn't think that I was too far behind because, while me and Soda got off school, Johnny, Two-Bit and Steve still had to go, and Johnny got me all my work. Steve got Soda all his work but I don't think he looked at it at all.

As Darry pulled up to the side of the school were kids were dropped off he turned to look at Soda and I. "You guys know the drill. Don't get into fights, Soda, try to behave, Soda, pay attention, Soda..."

"I resent that!" Soda exclaimed, "Pony's the one that's always got his head in the clouds."

"Fine, fine," Darry gave in, waving his hand lithaw hat Soda said was not important in the slightist bit, "Both of you pay attention and stick by the gang."

"We don't need no babysitters," Soda shouted playfully while jumping out and laughing, "See ya' Darry."

"I swear," Darry said, somewhat to himself, "That is the most hyper boy on the planet."

"You never see him in the halls," I informed him, only half-kiding.

"I pity the people who have," Darry joked, shacking his head.

I laughed. "See you later Superman," I said as I got out of the car. As soon as I did, Soda came running back, put and arm around me, and walked with me into the school.

"See you," Darry yelled after us.

And so Soda and I walked into the school like it was any other day, like we had never been gone. But the idea that we had never been gone was lost as soon as we entered the building. It seemed like every two seconds another person would watch us as we walked down the hallway. Each look held ether pity, sorrow, an apologetic look, or silent laughter. The laughter, of course, coming from the Socs.

When we made it to my locker, Two-Bit, Johnny, and Steve were there. Two-Bit was there making some lame joke that made no since to anyone but him. Steve looked like he was about to beat the tar out of him, and Johnny just looked confused at the joke.

Johnny saw us first. "Hey guys" he said quietly, "How are you?"

Steve and Two-Bit looked confused as to who Johnny was talking to, until Soda jumped on Steve's back and said, "Not bad, Johnnycake, not bad at all."

Steve was yelling at Soda to get off his back at this point. Johnny, Two-Bit and I were laughing like crazy while me and Johnny opened our lockers, witch were real close to each other. Soda got off Steve's back when some greaser yelled at us a teacher was coming.

Two-Bit looked at his watch (one guess how he got it) and screamed "Micky Mouse says class starts in five."

"OK, Goofy," Soda said, "Come on Steve, we have to get to our lockers before class and I want to see if I can really be on time for first period for once."

"Never gonna happen, Soda," I said as I closed my locker, "But get going if you want to try and prove me wrong." Even as I say it, Steve and Soda take it as a challenge and were running off yelling over their shoulders that they would see us at lunch.

The day went by like any other day, other then the looks the other students kept shooting at me. When it was finally time for lunch and Two-Bit was driving us to the store, Soda looked like if he got one more look he would get into a huge fight with whoever it was from. I got to say, the looks were getting on my nerves, too. Every once in a while I saw a teacher giving me looks. And I lost count of how many people said they're sorry to me by the end of the day. In truth, I lost count by the end of first period.

When the school day had finally ended, Soda meet me at my locker and, after I got my books, we said bye to the gang and ran out of there. Darry was waiting for us and I was grateful. I don't think I could stand one more look and I knew Soda was about to explode. So we ran to the car, flew the door open, and nearly got in a fight over who would get in first.

Once we closed the door, Darry gave us a strange look. "Why were you both running like that?" he asked, looking behind the car to see if we were running away from someone.

"I know I was running," Soda said, looking slightly annoyed, "because if I got one more look of pity, one more apology, then I would have been suspended."

"Same," I agreed with him, shooting Darry a sorry look.

"Sorry, guys," Darry said with a impatient sigh, "but it looks like you'll have to deal with the looks for a while, or until something else happens."

"Yeah, we know," Soda said in a annoyed voice, "That doesn't man we have to like it."

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	5. Chapter 5

**I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS**

**For those of you who have it on story alerts, or just click it every time you see I updated, the updates will now be slower. I know where I want this story to go, I just got to work out the detals on how to get there. **

**PLEASE REVIEW**

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**(Soda POV)**

We were all asleep, when we were woken up with a scream. Not a that-startled-me scream, but a full blown help-me-that-hurt-I'm-scared-to-death-right-now scream. When I heard it, I knew instantly that it was Ponyboy. I jumped out of bed, threw the covers off me, and sprinted to his room next to mine. Darry was right behind me as I threw the door open to see what was wrong. What I saw broke my heart. Pony was in his bed, tears pouring down his face, a cold sweat covering his body, thrashing about like he was trying to get away from something.

Darry and I ran over to him. I sat on side of the bed while Darry sat on the other side. We tried to get him to wake up. After a few long moments, Pony jolted up with a gasp. He looked at us, still waking up. Neither Darry nor I moved, knowing if we moved too soon he would get scared. About a minute later, his eyes lost the dreamy glaze and he lunged forward, wrapping Darry in a hug. He was sobbing.

Some of the gang would think I'm jealous when Ponyboy goes to Darry when he's upset, but I'm not. I learned a long time ago, from first and second hand experience, that you feel safe in Darry's strong arms. I moved behind Pony and hugged him. At first, he stiffened at the contact, but soon relaxed into my embrace.

We sat there, with me and Darry hugging Ponyboy, for about ten minutes before Ponyboy calmed down.

"What happened, Pony?" Darry asked, laying our worn out little brother down.

"Nightmare," Pony mumbled.

Darry and I shared a concerned look. When he was real little. Ponyboy had nightmares a lot. They always scared him senseless. They were about most things little kids were afraid of, like the bogeyman and being left all alone. The ones when he was all alone were always the worst. He would cry and scream and thrash about. When he had the nightmare, only Mom could calm him down enough to get back to sleep. Darry and Iwould stand in the doorway with wide eyes, wanting to help, but knowing we couldn't. The nightmares stopped as he grew older, but me and Darry always remember them because we couldn't protect him.

"About what?" Darry questioned, concern clearly heard in his voice.

"Don't 'member," answered Ponyboy in a sleep deprived voice, "Sorry."

I shared another look with Darry as he got off of the bed. Ponyboy is always saying sorry for things he has no control over. He blames himself, even if he has nothing to do with it.

"Not your fault, Little Colt," I comforted him, "Go back to sleep."

"Ummmmm...'K. Night, Soda," he yawned, "Night, Darry." Then my exhausted little brother fell asleep.

"Well he was sure knocked out fast," Darry observed, pulling the blankets up and tucking Pony in.

I chuckled, "We had a tiring few weeks." Darry nodded in agreement.

We exited the room in silence. We both had something to say, we just didn't want to say it, so we went in to the kitchen. As Darry got the milk out, I got two cups and the can of coco mix.

After we made our chocolate milk, and started drinking it, Darry finally brought up what neither of us wanted to, "Do you think Ponyboy was telling the truth about not remembering his nightmare?"

"Yeah," I said after a pause, "I do. What about you?"

Darry sighed, "I do, too."

"What do you think it means?" I asked Darry. At his confused look, I tryed to make myself clear, "Why do you think he had a nightmare? He hasn't had one in years."

By the look on Darry's face, I know he was remembering Pony's nightmares as a kid, too.

"I think it might just be from the stress of everything that's been going on recently," Darry said finally.

We sat there until we finished our milk. I took the glasses and put them I the sink to be washed in the morning. I was thinking how I was never going to get to sleep when Darry's voice interrupted my thoughts, "Go to sleep, Little Buddy. We have a big day tomorrow...today...you know what I mean."

I smiled at him, "You way more then the rest of us, Dar. You need sleep, too."

He tussled my hair as we both said good night once again. He went to his room and I went to mine.

As I got into bed, I layed awake thinking. I thought about all the changes that had happened, what Darry thinks caused Pony's nightmare. Then I thought about all the changes to come, how we had to adjust because of the two members that would no longer be living with us. Right before I fell asleep I had a troubling thought...

_Where was Dad that he didn't come to check on Pony?_


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